h1

Le Bernadin.

December 13, 2007

If I had to be killed by somebody, it would be Eric Ripert.

Why?

#1 He’s a great chef, he’d cook an awesome last meal.
#2 The precise knife work, at least I’d have a pretty corpse by the end of it.
#3 French Accent. Most fitting evil accent in the history of entertainment.
#4 His name. Eric Ripert (rih-pair’) Eric the rih pair. (Eric the ripper in a french accent)
#5 He looks like a serial killer.

h1

New York Knicks

December 9, 2007

This was once a madhouse, where everyone was a part of something, even if they weren’t on the court. Clyde and the Pearl. I understand that teams go through hard times. The Knicks were a symbol of the New York Zoo. Passion and Ardor. I’m just writing down fragments of badly formed sentences. I can’t really put what I feel into words the closest I can come to is

Fuck Isiah Thomas

Fuck James Dolan.

h1

Writers Strike

December 3, 2007

Why does everyone blame things on the writers strike?

* Me: Excuse me, do you have any more bags like this one?

Salesperson: Nah, after the writers strike, they stopped bringing them in.

* Everything after here is made up.

h1

The Pillowfort

November 30, 2007

BUY ART FROM THIS GUY.

http://pillowfort.net/
(Advertising in exchange for image hosting y’all)

h1

Golden Gate Bridge collison prevented by alert driver.

November 30, 2007

I hate car accidents, well actually I don’t because I haven’t been in any, I usually curse the drivers for their stupidity, WHY DIDN’T THEY CHECK THEIR BLIND SPOTS? NOW I’LL NEVER BE HOME IN TIME FOR GREY’S ANATOMY.

But Ladies and Gentelmen, this one had to happen. Yesterday night, a 62 year old women, went unconscious while driving across south over the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. 50 year old,  Mill Valley electrician John Beatty, slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting the car. As he looked up, the Jeep Grand Cherokee in front of him (which held the unconscious women), was slowly moving left- into oncoming traffic. He steered his truck – a Ford F350 into the path of the Jeep to block it from journeying into the northbound lanes. He guided the moving Jeep across two lanes of highway to the shoulder, which had been cleared of traffic when other drivers understood what Beatty was doing.

“They were going crazy all around us, but as soon as they saw what I was doing they left me a big hole to do this maneuver,” Beatty said. “Everybody just kind of stopped to let me slowly pull off to the right to park her.”

Beatty immediately got out of his car after calling the California Highway Patrol, and started pounding on the unconscious women’s windows. The doors were locked as well.

Unfortunately, the story has a sad ending, after the CHP arrived the women was taken to California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco, where she later was pronounced dead.

The Ironically sad part is the insurance company will thank the guy by raising his rates.

h1

Are girls in Baltimore that ugly?

November 27, 2007

16 Days ago, Aubrey Huff was invited on Bubba the Love Sponge’s (Seriously, How cool is that name?) nationally syndicated radio show. Among the topics were baseball, family, and … masturbation?

Bubba: “Now Aubrey, do you jack off a lot on the road, like when you’re not with your wife.”

Huff: “It’s all I do. It’s all I do. You guys have no idea how much downtime there is in baseball. You wake up from a hangover about 1 o’clock.”

Producer shouts: “In the afternoon?”

Huff: “Oh, yeah! Lemme tell you this. When you are hung over, how horny are you? I’m horny, when I’m hungover, I’m horny. So I’m just gonna beat off. And that’s all I do.”

Bubba: “And do you have your own room or do you have a roommate.”

Huff: “No, I’ve got my own room. C’mon, I’m not gonna beat off in front of my own roommate. C’mon Bubba!”

Bubba: “What time is the team bus to get to the field, like 5?”

Huff: “Four o’clock.”

Bubba: “So for three hours you’re just jerking the fuck outta yourself.

Huff: You know what they have now in the hotels is the (paas??) for $34.99, you get the whole section.”

Bubba: “Who does that get billed to, you or the Orioles?

Huff: “No, that’s my own gig. When you check out and she (the hotel clerk) says, $34.99 and she looks at you as you’re checking out: ‘Ahh, you beat the shit outta it, didn’t ya?’ ‘Yeah, pretty much! Yeah, I jacked the fucking shit outta it!’ ”

Bubba: “So they did the room and you do the incidentals.”

Huff: “Yeah, incidentals are all us, which include porn. And jacking off.”

At least the man has enough respect to not do it in front of his roommate, and this also explains why he’s always in such a daze during games, he’s already had his fill of physical strain. Anyway Orioles suck.

h1

MYLIFE

November 26, 2007

h1

Top 15

November 15, 2007

Title speaks for itself.

1) Keira Knightley

2. Keeley Hazel

3) Katherine McPhee.

4) Marissa Miller

5) Sarah Lancaster

6) Maggie Gyllenhall

7) Megan Fox

8 ) Zooey Deschanel

9) Heidi Klum

10. Miranda Kerr (Two Angels back to back)

11 . Alessandra Ambrosio (Back to Back to Back)

12. Rachel McAdams

13. Katherine Heigl

14) Rachel Bilson

15) Cheryl Tweedy

h1

BOHOE

November 10, 2007

Main Entry: BoHoe
Pronunciation: bō-hō
Function: Noun, Adjective
Etymology: A take on Bohemian, and the hipster culture.

1:Brooklyn/Billyberg ( and Bushwick!)
2a.Imitation Vagabond. 2b. Listens to bands you’ve never heard of, only because you’ve never heard of them. Reads NYLON/ New York Magazine. Thinks starbucks is for losers, so carries an empty deli coffee cup to prove he/she doesn’t go to starbucks. Uniform = Band Tee-Shirt under blazer, tight black jeans, scarves, lots and lots of shoes, but find themselves only wearing one pair because they “go” with everything in their closet, which is essentially variations of the same one outfit. Hair looks like its been cut by garden shears, but its actually a 300$ cut. Very vocal indoors, and very quiet outdoors.

I’m half a hipster. (Bands+NY Mag) Plus the shoes thing.

h1

What is sexy?

October 30, 2007
  1. Chocolate Uggs
  2. Bangs
  3. Coffee